Lessons we learn

Conversation in my household about 8 years ago. Jaiteg was in middle school then. He has grown up since. "ਮੈਂ ਨਾਏ ਨੂੰ ਸ਼ਤਰੰਜ ਦੀ ਬਾਜ਼ੀ ਵਿਚ ਦੋ ਵਾਰੀ ਹਰਾ ਚੁੱਕਾਂ। ਇਕ ਵਾਰੀ ਅੱਜ ਤੇ ਇਕ ਵਾਰੀ ਪਹਿਲੋਂ," ਨਾਏ ਜਮਾਤ ਵਿਚ 'ਸ਼ਤਰੰਜ ਦਾ ਪੱਕਾ ਖਿਡਾਰੀ' ਮੰਨਿਆ ਜਾਂਦਾ ਹੈ। ਜੈਤੇਗ ਲਈ ਉਸ ਨੂੰ ਹਰਾਉਣਾ ਬੜੀ ਵੱਡੀ ਗੱਲ ਹੈ। ਨਾਏ ਉਸਦਾ ਸਭ ਤੋਂ ਪੱਕਾ ਮਿੱਤਰ ਵੀ ਹੈ। ਸੋਮਵਾਰ ਨੂੰ ਜੈਤੇਗ ਸਿੰਘ ਗਿਲਬਰਟ ਨਾਲ਼ ਸ਼ਤਰੰਜ ਖੇਡਣਗੇ। ਗਿਲਬਰਟ ਝੂਠਾ ਨਾਂ ਰੱਖਿਆ ਹੈ ਉਸ ਆਪਣੀ ਕਲਾਸ ਦੇ ਵੱਡੇ ਬਦਮਾਸ਼ ਦਾ। ਅਸਲੀ ਨਾਂ ਕੁਝ ਹੋਰ ਸੂ। "ਗਿਲਬਰਟ ਨੂੰ ਤੈਂ ਵੰਗਾਰਿਆ ?" "ਨਾ, ਓਸੇ ਨੇ ਮੈਨੂੰ ਚੈਲੇਂਜ ਕੀਤਾ ਸੀ। ਤੇ ਹਾਰਦਾ ਵੇਖਿਓ ਕਿਵੇਂ ਮੇਰੇ ਹੱਥੋਂ !" "ਬੜੀ ਚੰਗੀ ਗੱਲ, ਚੱਕ ਦੇ ਫੱਟੇ, ਪਰ ਬਾਹਲੀ ਪਾਡੀ ਨੀ ਮਾਰੀਦੀ," ਹਾਲਾਂਕਿ ਮੈਨੂੰ ਪਤਾ ਹੈ ਉਸ ਊਠ ਜਿਹੇ ਨੂੰ ਹਰਾਉਣਾ ਗੱਲ ਕੋਈ ਛੋਟੀ ਵੀ ਨਹੀਂ। "...ਤੇ ਪਤੈ ਮਾਂ, ਮੈਂ ਆਪਣੇ ਚਾਰ ਪਿਆਦੇ ਵੀ ਬੋਰਡ ਤੋਂ ਹਟਾ ਦਿੱਤੇ ਮਰਜ਼ੀ ਨਾਲ ਈ।" "ਹੈ, ਹਾ ! ਉਹ ਕਿਉਂ ਵੇ? 12 ਮੁਹਰਿਆਂ ਨਾਲ਼ ਖੇਡੇਂਗਾ ਕਿਵੇਂ, ਕਾਕਾ?" "ਕਿਉਂਕਿ ਵਿਚਾਰਾ ਹਾਰਨ ਡਿਹਾ ਸੀ, ਤੇ ਫਰਸਟ੍ਰੇਟ ਹੋਇਆ ਪਿਆ ਸੀ !" "ਗਿਲਬਰਟ?" "ਨਹੀਓਂ, ਕੌਨਰ!" ਹੁਣ ਇਹ ਨਵਾਂ ਪਾਤਰ ਕੌਨਰ ਕਿਥੋਂ ਆ ਗਿਆ ! ਤੇ ਮੈਨੂੰ ਜੈ ਦੱਸਦਾ ਹੈ ਕਿ ਕੌਨਰ ਗਿਲਬਰਟ ਦਾ ਸਾਥ ਦੇਣ ਵਾਲਾ ਛੋਟਾ-ਮੋਟਾ ਬਦਮਾਸ਼ ਹੈ। "ਕਿਸੇ ਬੁਲੀ ਦਾ ਭਲਾ ਕਰਨ ਨੂੰ ਤੂੰ ਆਪਣੇ ਪਿਆਦੇ ਕਿਉਂ ਕੱਢੇ ?" "ਕਿਉਂਕਿ ਮੈਂ ਜਿੱਤ ਰਿਹਾ ਸੀ ਨਾ। ਉਹ ਏਨਾ ਤੰਗ ਸੀ ਹਾਰਨ ਕਰਕੇ ਕਿ ਗੇਮ ਛੱਡ ਜਾਂਦਾ !" "ਸੋ, ਉਹ ਗੇਮ ਛੱਡ ਕੇ ਨਾ ਜਾਵੇ, ਇਸ ਲਈ ਤੂੰ ਆਪਣੇ ਪਿਆਦੇ ਹਟਾ ਦਿੱਤੇ ਕਮਜ਼ੋਰ ਦਿਸਣ ਨੂੰ ?" "ਤੇ ਹੋਰ ਕੀ ! ਮੈਂ ਖੇਡਣਾ ਚਾਹੁੰਦਾ ਸੀ ਨਾ !" ... "I beat Nai twice in chess. Once today and once before." Nai 'is considered accomplished' in chess so it is big deal for Jaiteg to be able to beat him. Nai is also his best buddy. Monday Jai is going to play chess with Gilbert. Gilbert is the pseudonym given by my son to his class bully. "Was it you who challenged Gilbert, Jai?" "No, he challenged me. And he is next to be beaten." "Good then, go ahead, but don't be arrogant about it." Though I know he has a good reason to be arrogant about it. "...and you know what mom, I removed four of my pawns." "Whyyy?" "Cos he was so frustrated at losing." "Who, Gilbert?" "Nooooo, Connor." Now who is this Connor ! And I learn that Connor is a sometimes-accomplice of Gilbert. "Why did you remove your pawns for a bully?" "Cos I was winning, and he was so frustrated at losing, he would have given up the game." "So, to prevent HIM from giving up the game, YOU removed your pawns and appeared weaker?" "Well, yes! I wanted to play !" ..... Sometimes it is imperative to go on back-foot to engage a bully in a fight ! #lessonslearned

The Rite of Passage?

She is entirely dependent on you. Does not know how to manage her long hair. Brings her damp clothes to you to ask, "Mom, is it dry or not?"

Now your 13 year old is out on her own, for ten days, on an NCC camp. She has to fend for herself, decide for herself and manage on her own. She is due to make a PPT presentation on the second day of the camp. She is comfortable with the topic already given. They change the topic on the spot-about 6 hours before presentation time. She is visibly upset. She calls, "Mom what do I do?" (Thank God they are allowed cell phones). You tell her to talk to her incharge. She doesn't want to, for she thinks it is a cowardly move. You are busy in your college function where your stay is mandatory. While sitting there, you google the stuff, call her and give her the links because her incharge's internet connection on his computer is too slow to download the stuff from your email. She somehow manages to sew the pieces together. Calls you about an hour prior to the presentation. "Mom, does my voice look like I have been crying?"

What do you do?

My Mother, Head Cover, and Education

My mother used to wear a sari many years ago. She would have only two or three kameez salwar sets-that too when she had to go to her in-laws’ village or her own native village. It was perfectly normal for us to see her in a sari. In fact we associated her sari with her office-formal wear it was. She never used to cover her head with it.

Then she started to wear a kameez salwar and with it, a dupatta over her head all the time. I took some time adjusting to it, but then it was the call of the day and she being the ultra-flexible person, took to wearing what was the demand of the times. Sari had suddenly become a lewd and un-Sikh like dress. She stowed her saris away in trunks and cupboards, only to take them out seasonally to air them. We would wear them for some functions and flaunt our grown up selves in a changed attire. I still have not overcome the scare of having a sari coming untied down to my feet in the middle of an important presentation or a class, so I avoid wearing it. Mom still wears and carries well a sari for some functions where she does not want to cover her head.

Yesterday, we were at a friend’s place. Mom took two of her books for that friend’s family to gift them. The family’s daughter-in- law C and our relative H served lunch. Mom kept talking to the grandmother of the family. Mom wore a white cotton suit and a white dupatta and she kept her head covered all the time. H knows my mom quite well, C was meeting her for the first time. C kept talking to mom quite condescendingly, even sympathetically. After lunch when the customary seating pattern of men sitting separately from the group of women was repeated, we sat in one of the many bedrooms in the house. I left them for a few moments to check on the kids sitting in the kids’ room. When I returned, H was just short of ROTFL. She said, “Didi, C asked aunty (my mom), Thora bahut parhey likhey wi ho? (Have you had any education?)” I was aghast. Mom is a Ph.D, for dear God’s sake. This was the first time mom had been asked a question like that. I didn’t like it, but tried to smile and asked C whatever made her think that she was not? She said it was because of the head covering (dupatta) she wore. She tried to apologize but I didn’t want her to feel bad. She had a right to her opinion too. Mom turned it into a light one by quipping, “No, I aint educated, I just wear them spectacles to give a semblance of an educated woman.”

*****

Below is a video of my mother speaking on Jalandhar DoorDarshan on Female Foeticide. It is a fragment of the program that lasted an hour. Kindly adjust with me for the poor quality of recording. Mampi to be blamed for holding the phone rather awkwardly.

Whose Maid?

She sat outside an examination hall where I was invigilating for the CA exams. We exchanged smiles. I was wondering what she was doing outside this examination. She was only a child-a child possibly not more than 8 or 9 years. Later, I saw that she was scribbling something on her notebook. On closer inspection I found that she was writing from the notes that the examinees had left outside. She saw me observing her and we just exchanged warm smiles. I got busy with the duty inside the examination hall and did not come out for the next about 30 minutes. It was 3.00 PM by the time I came outside. Sitting on the bench with her arm resting under her head on the desk, she was dozing in the warm breeze. I called out to the waterman to carry the child under a fan if she wanted to sleep. She woke up and smiled sheepishly at me, as if ashamed at having been found sleeping. "You want to sleep?" "Yes." I blinked at her and gestured to her to go to the little office, she smiled and we struck a chord immediately. She again smiled broadly and waved to me as the waterman led her to the small office where she could lie down for her siesta. About half an hour later, she was back, refreshed. She resumed her copying duties. This time, I went to her and asked her, "What is it that you are copying out?" "I don't know, I'm just copying for fun." "Its good," I said, "you are doing a good job. Keep it up." ... 'strategic management', 'overview' those were big words slipping through small fingers. But she was writing them down. "Did you come with someone?" "Yes, with ... Didi." "Is Didi in my room?" "Yes, there she is," She pointed to an overweight girl writing her exam. "You work for them?" "Yes" "Do you study?" "Yes, in class three" "Wow, you sure are intelligent. Can I take a picture of yours?" She grinned in response. I took her picture and showed it to her. She gave me a billion dollar smile. "Thank you" I said and patted her head.


I went in, resumed my duty. It was soon 4 PM, the exam was nearing the end. I was collecting the answer books. When I reached her didi, I asked, "That little girl is with you?" "Yes Ma'am, she is my maid." The bell rang and the examinees trooped out, chattering , free minded , for it was the last exam. The little girl was lost somewhere in that loud mayhem.

Her name is Poonam-Full Moon.

English Comes to Me Also

I just finished marking exam-papers from different courses and I found some gems in the grammar section of a few brilliant answer books. How could I return them without sharing with you? After you finish reading them, I am sure you would, like me, be convinced that English and its grammar would have to change its paradigms in order to accomodate everybody who can write an ABC.

First, the translation question and its diverse answers:

Dharti sooraj duawaley ghummdi hai/Dharti Soorya ke ird-gird ghoomti hai.
1. THE EARTH AROUND THE SUN.
2. THE EARTH IS ROUNDING THE SUN.
3. THE ARTH SUN OF THE SON.

Main kaee saalan toh videsh jaan barey soch reha haan/
Main kaee varsho’n se videsh jaane ke barey mein soch raha hoon.
I HAVE BEEN/AM THOUGHTING TO GO TO ABROAD FOR MANY YEARS.

Simla wich barish ho rahi howegi/Simla me baarish ho rahi hogi.
1. THE RAIN WILL BE RUNNING IN SHIMLA.
2. SHIMLA SHALL BE RAINING.

Tussi os da mazak uraa rahey ho/Aap uska mazaak uraa rahey hain.
YOU ARE FLYING FUN OF HIM.

Shatabdi express samey de mutabak chall rahi si/Shatabdi express samay ke anusaar chal rahi thi.
SHTABADI EXPRESS IS WALKING AT THE TIME.

Manukh galti da putla hai/Manushya galtiyon ka putla hai.
HUMAN IS STATUE OF MISTAKES.
HUMAN BEING IS THE EFFIGY OF MISTAKES. (use of the word ‘ effigy’ was highly impressive)

Then there was the baap of all grammar problems:
The students were supposed to fill up, MAKE HAY ­__________

And apart from other fill ups, what had me laughing like crazy was:

Make hay EXTRACT HONEY.

Now go extract it if you can, out of the hay, I mean.

After all, Mujhey bhi English aati hai,
English comes to me also.