Friday, March 20, 2009

Babe's Followers

That day a few months ago, when I opened my blog, it showed a follower.

Follower? In terms of admirer? At this age? As a teenager, it was scary to have boys following us girls. Yes, it was abuse. As a young woman, I had followers-friendly as well as unfriendly followers. Ah abuse, thy manifold manifestations ! But a follower on the blog? I must say I was flattered, happy, scared- all at the same time. After all, what did it mean? I had never seen any followers on blogs. Whatever it meant. Curious, I opened the blogger dashboard and it revealed a follower. Blogger merely said," *** is following your blog." And I began to think, does it mean he/she knows whatever activity goes here? Does it mean he/she knows my password? Is he a stalker? I can tackle a she-stalker. I would have to bring in M to tackle a he-stalker. A few days into this following business, and there were more. One, two, three, four, five-by now I was in a wow mood. It meant I was being read. There were people trying to know what I was writing. I should write better. I should try to post more sensible stuff here.

One night I had a clothed Eureka moment and that woke me up with a start. It dawned on me that having a follower automatically means I can start a cult. Or even a religion. All that a religious leader needs is a few followers and I had, after all, a total of six. Thereafter, networking will do the rest of the job. If those fancy vilaiti companies can offer bonus on networking, I will give everybody some incentives too. Incentives like kadah parshad (flour halwa); or pinni parshad; or perhaps patasa (batasha in hindi and sugar candy in vilaiti English) will do instead of Phoren travel or big time money. Yes, I will resign my job and wear a designer suit and be a religious leader with a difference. A charming babe of a leader with a good hold on Punjabi, a non-accented English and a ‘cornered’ Hindi – and the magic would be complete. I said cornered Hindi, because most of us in Punjab speak out the language making it as abrupt as a turn in a room with corners. (Surjit Bhaji calls our hindi “nukkra’n kadh ke boli hindi’) I would be a babe as the feminine gender of a young baba – there are plenty young babas in our land. The feminine gender of old baba is bebe in Punjabi, bebe being an old (mother) woman. Now there is not much difference between a hi-fi babe and a Punjabi bebe. A mere ‘a’ I dare say. But then we digress. Coming back to the accent, I know my followers would forgive me any accent and actually will make a trend of my style. After all, what are followers for? But the dream soon shattered badly. For I was just one among all the blogspot bloggers who had followers. Whom-so-ever’s blog I visited on blogspot, almost everyone had a follower or two.

Gradually the followers reached a number of 38. Then the university sent me a letter, “lady, you have your dreaded viva voce with an examiner soon. Stop this follower business and get back to your studies” and I went back to my thesis, to my books and all that stuff. As if that was not enough, kids’ schools conspired with the university and they sent their date sheets. Poor babies started to get big time howling and cribbing from me, because my viva fell in the middle of their exams and there was no way either of the two tasks would allow me any respite.I forgot my blog, I forgot my followers. And my followers forgot me. Like the TRP of an Ekta Kapoor serial in which she finally killed Baa (did she, or didn’t she?) after Baa became about two and a half centuries old, the number of my followers fell. It fell from 38 to 36, then plummetted further to 32. I was sad, a little. Then one night, I woke up laughing out loud. I realised that only the true followers remain. They are the ones who have stayed by my side in my lonely and trying days spent compulsively away from blogworld. Mampi, think positive. Wow, I can still start my own religion.

And I have money power too. I am reminded through a widget on my blog that it has been valued at $ 23,710.68 even in these days of hopeless recession. Now that is some consolation. How they evaluate blogs is beyond my humble understanding. But I am happy, and for now that’s all that matters. With elections approaching fast , maybe I can, with muscle power (I have ample on my person) use some money power too and in the true blue Indian political style, combine my babe-dom with politics. But then this would be too ambitious for a single blogpost.

Meantime, everyone’s welcome to join the fold.


40 comments:

~nm said...

Main tera peecha nahi chhodungi!!! *evil laughter* HAHAHAHAHAHA!

hehehhee..I am now following you too ;)

Jasdeep said...

awesome read...
welcome back babe/bebe/baba ji :)
to makeup the follower loss i have an idea.. announce: get 5 followers and get mentioned in my coming blog post...

Life Begins said...

YIPPPEEE...so great to c u back rearranging jumbled words in absolutely awesome way. :D and revealing the eternal secrets hidden in those words. Now thats for sure some Babe's piece of art:) and not any lowly-short-of-words followers' task.

Me toh will follow u hamesha- Hail M Babe!!!!!!!!!

Rajindarjit said...

Welcome to the new venture! Once you put on saffrons,no need to say any thing, only you are to give Parshaad - of any kind of course.
Go ahead!
Any how, your coming back on blog track after 4-weeks long awaited gap is welcomed.

New posting in a different taste is a healthy sign of creative writing. Congrats.
Keep it up!
God Bless You!

Gurinderjit Singh said...

Actually I read the post as ਬਾਬੇ's Followers.. as this is so common these days so many baba left and right.
Anyways.. welcome back! Hope your viva went well.

Phoenixritu said...

Hehehehe, I shall keep stalking you. Welcome back to blogosphere!

Wolfy said...

My u had a hectic time!!

Pradeep said...

What's not possible in real life, at least via blogs! Safe too!!

I am planning to set up a Blogger copy of my Wordpress blog, so that I too can follow some people, and hopefully I too will have some followers. Dream, dream...

Jokes apart, the downside is that all the huge number of followers may not actually be reading even one word of the blogs they are following. :(

It's like the shop around the corner which has a huge crowd of people, but no one buys anything from there!

hitch writer said...

Regarding the followers i tooo had fallen down...

but i dont think people stopped following you... due to a glitch in blogger... some bloggers following was converted to anonymous...

they are still following you but they have turned anonymous...

I had my status turned to anonymous all of a sudden in one night....

and making the following public again toook ages... it was a pain...

and that value calculation.... its definitely beyond me.. it always comes up with my blog value at 0.00 USD... :( sob sob...


however i think followers and dollars apart this blogging and comment exchanging is something i seriously enjoy !!! i m sure you do tooo ...

philip9876 said...

when you start a cult, i will be a committed follower. just mail me the details and i will be there.

How about this rallying cry for our cult? Jai Ho ? ;)

my space said...

bebeji pairi pauna! welcome ji back..how was the viva?
Or waise accha career option hain..u make pots of money ..we have many live eg around!!

Mampi said...

NM-Yeah, see this post led to adding at least one follower. Waise I already knew, follower or no follower, I can force you to read me, hehe.

Jasdeep-That was a great idea. Consider it by the way, hehe.

Life Begins-You lift my spirits up, babe.

Mama-I was missing the blogworld too.

Guri-Its one and the same thing. Viva went well. Hope I get the degree soon.

Ritu-Ah, love you for stalking me.

Wolfy-Hard Life, isnt it?

Pradeep-Yes, I know the follower business is not very genuine, but what the heck yaar, its a good feeling.

HitchWriter-You are right, it had possibly something to do with Blogger problems.

Philip-You are hereby made the incharge of the Singapore Chapter. (I sound Hi-Fi, dont I?)

MySpace-Jeondi Reh Kudiye.Yeah, career option is really good and at the same time, there is no glass-ceiling here.

Monika said...

me is still a follower that classifies me as a true follower ;-)

good to have u back

and that followers thing was a problem due to blogger and google connect merging

How do we know said...

ha ha ha!! Thank god u r back! how was the viva?

Imp's Mom said...

Welcome Back!!! :)

Iya said...

oye bebe, i didnt stop following u.. aab mera cheque mere ghar aa jana chahiye..

Sidhusaaheb said...

Nothing more spectacular than an RSS/Atom Feed reader really...

:D

MAN IN PAINTING said...

happy to see u back mampi
take care
wishes

Sucharita Sarkar said...

I'm right behind you,babe, if only Blogger will let me stalk in peace. I've been trying to leave a comment on this post for four days running, only to be foiled by that ****-ing Blogger.
BTW, THANKS SO MUCH for bothering to read up all the 'past' posts and all the 'continuous' comments on my PAST CONTINUOUS blog. I was floored.

The name connection seems karmic, right?

Mampi said...

Monika-Yeah, girl, you are always with me, I know.

HDWK-Yeah, I missed you all too. Viva went really well.

Imp's Mom-Thank you dear.

Iya-Cheque, kaisa cheque?

SS-Trust you for the best advice.

MIP-Thanks.

Sucharita-Absolutely. I really want to see her though. Loved reading every single post of yours. Its full of warmth and apnapan.

Mama - Mia said...

welcome back!! :D

and babe ya bebe! followers you shall have! :p

cheers!

maheshinder_singh said...

Good to see the bubble of happiness in your words. Keep writing

PARRY said...

Well I have you in my favorites list even before this following thing started. so dont fikar.
and welcome back after a brief hibernation.

Kiran said...

welcome back babe ji ..:)
fyi...you are on my "blogs i follow" list :D
i have also officially become your follower on your blog!
oh and good luck with your viva and all....

Pinku said...

allah be praised ...u are back!!!!


I have so missed you here.

Good luck on everything from followers in blog world to the real and of course the Viva shiva....

Pradip Biswas said...

Your post is very good to read and you have a power to attract the readers. May you read my posts and find what it is lacking. I envy your follower strength and jin this crowd.

Quirky Indian said...

Welcome back Babeji!

"The difference between bebe and babe is just the matter of an 'a'." LOL. I'll award you a PhD right now! What a revelation!

You have the numbers, you have the dollars. I say, go for it. :-)

Cheers,

Quirky Indian

Devika said...

Reading you is a pleasure, always Mampi :)

I love the spirit in this one...know, Mampi many followers follow us without "following" us :)

seriously, i had real trouble with some -- both listed and unlisted -- and finally had to close comments...

I will be here at intervals to check for new posts, Mampi :)

wishes,
devika

Gazal said...

Looks like it was an eggjam moment for everyone at home.

Welcome back after the exhiatus.The blogpost is fresh and bubbly.Enjoyed it.

Jai hO !!!!

The Seeker said...

Hello! am a follower, and Listen not a stalker...

Mampi said...

Abha-I know I can count on you, girl.

Mahesh- :)

Parry-Thank you so much. I know you read me pacca pacca.

Kiran-Viva is done. And thanks for the followership.

Pinku-Thank you hamari khair manaa'ne ke liye. Viva done, ek manzil fateh, inshallah-before the next one.

Pradip- I m sure you lack nothing. And the follower business and all this shoshebazi is only a light hearted banter. Nothing more.All these friends who come to your blog make you feel good, bas i enjoy that to the full.I would love to come to your blog and I am sure you are a better writer.

Quirky Indian-Thank you so much for your encouragement. Now, after your granting me PhD, I am officially Dr Manpreet.

Devika-I know my dear, it is a strange world and there are all sorts of people here.

Gazal-egg jam is finished for me and kids and it is still there for mom-law.

Seeker- I am sure you cannot be a stalker. Nice to have a seeker as a follower ji. Welcome!!

Sahaja said...

haha njoid it totally!!and the first few lines, ya i felt the same actually!

D said...

I have something for you on my blog.

June Saville said...

MAMPI
Simply stay as sweet as you are! We don't need any more cults.
June in Oz

adi said...

somehow, i dont really like the name of this widget/term "follower"

makes me cringe inside :)

Sudhir Khandelwal said...

Hi, Mampi; Good to see you back. When you went missing all these days, I thought you must be busy with your kids' exams, little realizing that it was your own defence of thesis that kept you away from your blog and fans. You do have a very loyal and committed fellowship judging by the comments. You are now a 'doctor'?!
Himalayan adventurer

Oreen said...

LMFAO...
my frigging gums hurt... can't even laugh out loud, but i so want to...

your humor is killing me ...

Mithe said...

What spirit ma'am. I really like your optimism here...:)
I am the biggest biggest follower.....
(Placing it on record) and you know that! BTW congratulations DR Manpreet Sahota...
love
mithe

Manasa said...

hahahah.. Nice read, mampi ji ;)

True, only true readers remain till the end, let come what may!

UL said...

:) add me to your cult :), will be back...