Monday, July 06, 2009

Of My Pounds and Hair-Matters

Yes, it is a kind soul that informs me that I have won British Pounds 750,000. I know you will dismiss me as another drooling Indian who does not value Indian Rupees the way she can grovel for the British Pounds. No, you are mistaken. I will drool for Rupees 750,000 in much the same way I am worried for these 750,000 pounds lying somewhere in the world in my name. Every day I get an email informing me that I have won millions and the phool that I am, I go on deleting this information without even reading it. I delete it for I mistakenly think that these pounds are going to translate themselves into kilograms, into tonnes, into quintols and then, and then, ahhhh, I will be a celebrity.

The cynic that I am, I am rejecting celebrityhood. How will my poor spouse handle so much of fame that his wife will attract? So, like a good Indian Pativrata Nari, I kick this good luck. Ah, the bad luck. Kismet! I will die poor and wretched and wrinkled and arthritic and with a bad knee and bald.

Bald ! Someone help. I am losing hair like the money in my wallet, only my spouse and I do not fight over the lost hair. But I am worried, seriously worried. I just went to shampoo my hair and the hair fell like rain used to fall in Cherrapunji. Wasn't that the name of the place that used to get the maximum rainfall. Talking of rainfall, we had two wonderful rainy days and now again, we have the powercuts, and miserable days and generator sets working overtime. Rainfall makes me digress. I am losing hair. I had heard that the hair fall in rainy season. But then it is the rainy season for my hair all through the year. Help, Help. Boys you can ignore the post, or at best you can ignore the last paragraph while commenting and focus only on the pounds. Girls you can get creative about my hair-loss and suggest something good that will help arrest this fall. For your information, I am using henna, not using color. My hair dresser told me the other day that henna is the primary culprit for my hair fall. Is it? I suspect that the greedy fellow wants to earn commission from the L'Oreal people. I am using mustard oil like rustic babes. He hated me for that but said nevertheless that it was good to use. However, he insisted that I use color to hide the strands of grey that I am getting now. Bah, I have other plans about my grey hair. So come on, all you creative BlogWaasis, help me.

I might die fat, I might die poor, I might die wrinkled, but must I die bald??


45 comments:

How do we know said...

tussi galat profession vich ho.. please get in tuch with a publisher pronto.. stuff as gud as this shld not be available for free.. :-)

How do we know said...

oh and on the advice front.. hair, we want, and it sheds.. pounds we do not want, and it sheds not.. there's a philosophical question waiting somewhere in that situation.. i just dont see it yet..

Jyoti said...

Seriously Mampi, you are a celebrity, don't need those brit pounds...my bro gets international calls regarding the prize money... lol..

as for loosing hair, don't think henna would be the cause of it... never heard of it... could be the change in water, u just moved homes right?

btw did I tell u? love ur writing style :)

sukumbho said...

"Boys you can ignore the post, or at best you can ignore the last paragraph while commenting and focus only on the pounds." I wont comment, sure. I'm a little boy. But speaking of gals, loss of hair and shedding of pounds dont go together - they are inversely proportional.

Sidhusaaheb said...

The hundreds-of-thousands-of-pounds emails are part of an identity theft scam, as far as I am aware.

Hitting the 'Report Spam' or 'Mark as Spam' button, or any other variant, depending upon the email service that you use, should be of help.

As for weight loss, I hear that there really is no substitute for proper diet and exercise. I wouldn't know personally, because I've always been underweight and looking for ways to gain weight.

:D

Liju Philip said...

The chance of a woman going bald due to hair loss is quite remote. doesnt happen much. Anyway, a thorough health check would be a good place to start. Sometimes hair fall could be indicating something else in the health system.

As for the money, dont forget to share some with me when you get all the millions that some 'god knows who' uncle of yours left for you in the Bank of Somalia.

Cynic in Wonderland said...

ah try egg. for DIY instructions, you could take a look at this http://solitarycynic.blogspot.com/2008/03/egghead.html ( okay normally hate pimping blog. but might be useful hehe)

Sujata said...

Mampi, I agree with How do we know- stuff as good as this should not be available for free!
Another remarkable post from you....

Iya said...

yeah sab moh maya hai bachcha...
the pounds and the hair, there today gone tomorrow!!!

lol, on a serious note, i guess its Henna, have heard a few complains. Or mybe water, trying washing your hair with Distilled Water. All that pound can be put to good use!!

Solilo said...

Mampi, you asked for it. :))

Every Saturday (or any day) apply warm olive oil to your hair. Massage really well and let it sit for an hour. Then wash it off with a shampoo. (This I started since last year)

Every month, apply an egg and wash it with Beer. :)) (I have been doing this for past 15 years.) Started at 16 and now still doing at 31 I can vouch for it. :)

Life Begins said...

For years i have been waiting for those millions to arrive in my account but all in vain.

And about hair fall - please let me also know when u get some remedy...mine dont just fall like rain they keep continuously flowing like a water fall :( :(

By that rate i am not far from becoming bald.

BTW, how to do you manage to write so so so well - it's always excellent - every single word keeps one hooked up here.

hitchwriter said...

Mampi is growing old and feeble... !!!! and BALD tooo !!!!!!!! OMG !!!

*fling* *fling*

what are these things that go flying around my ears... !!!

run !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aparna said...

Olive oil is good.Try massaging every day, gently.Improved circulation prevents hairfall.
Incidentally my mom always told me that we shed hair during monsoon. Do not know if it is true.
BTW, loved your style of writing.

monikamanchanda said...

what a post :) loved every word of it

and mark as junk is the solution of the first problem and the hair fall... ha ha if u find one let me know though they say that hair falls more in monsoon

@lankr1ta said...

you could get a hair weave, you know...
Don't stress too much about falling hair, it grows back( women are lucky that way!) And stress could cause the fall....

Smitha said...

ha ha Mampi :) Loved the post! We get so many letters, yes actual mail not email, asking us to sign and enter our bank details - so that they can 'transfer' our prize money :) Even if one idiot falls for it, I guess it will be paise vasool :)

As for the hair problem - I wish I knew :(

Pinku said...

ok...here goes the gyan..

henna can be too blame...dont be suspicious of that poor bloke.

Try changing to a different brand of shampoo might help....

also use a very good conditioner...

also mix an egg white with a spoon full of shampoo, oil, conditioner, vinegar together...massage ur scalp with it...keep for half and hour and then wash off..really helps.

good luck!

churningthewordmill said...

commme on mampi.. u will not die fat,poor or bald.. the monsoons will go..the hair will come back with a bounce,im sure...all will be fine and dandy..

Rajindarjit said...

Interesting posting it is.Expression is excellent of course.
Dear Mampi, don't forget to share Pounds with me.
Any how, I share with you a NUSKHA free of charge for hair.
Eat Amla (may be in powder shape), drink Amla juice and apply Amla oil and you will see the magic of this NUSKHA.
Dhindsa

Sneha Divakar said...

mampi... no babes.. you dont die bald.
btw, i got this advise sometime back for my falling hair. falling hair means dry scalp. so give it oil massages. use a hydrating shampoo. yeah, i know loreal encashes on that. but they are still good :P

The Rat... said...

he he he he.... i am no whiz-kid with great tips for hair fall... but mom says getting a hair massage with preheated coconut oil every other day works.... she has been doing that to me since i was a kid... and the result shows :-)

and.. kindly transfer those pound to me... :-) i ll give u lots of dhuas and u ll be richer in that kind :-P

adios

Mampi said...

HDWK-You feed my ego. And I stand ungratified with the philosophy you sent my way.

Jyoti-Lets hope that the solutions given by other girls help me with the hair loss. I live by your encouragment.

Sumanto-What would I do without the gyan. BTW would you comment if you were not threatened?

SS-So I have heard too about those extra pounds we are promised/threatened with.

Liju-Thank you my dear for your consoling words. Pounds-pacca share rakha hai tumhara.

Cyn-Will go and check out the post. oye it is not pimping, it is sharing.

Sujata-Kitney ki ticket laga doo??

Iya-Iya-mata, moh nahi chorha jata kya karun? Distilled water? aur baki parivar ko gurdwarey bhej doon?

Solilo-This is a perfectly do-able solution. will do it pacca. and will get back to you with results too.

LB-were we long lost sisters??

Hitchwriter-Glad you are married.

Aparna-Olive oil-pacca. Your mom is right, but it always happens with me, so i was upset.

Mampi said...

Monika-So glad you liked it. Junk-bole toe, junk food?? yar once in fortnight is not too much, is it?

Alankrita-who need consolations when there are solutions like weaving? Thank you dear.

Smitha-Exactly, even if one fool falls...but amazingly they are so persistent that one is forced to write about them even if one never opens the email containing the 'pounds'.

Pinku-Since you have nice and shiny hair, your opinion has to be valued. Will surely do this ilaaj. And dont you dare collude with the bloke. Hehe. Somehow I love the sheen of hennaed hair.

Mandy-I love you for the hope in your comment.

Mama-Amla, Hanji that too will get a space in my tummy now.

Sneha-I love oil in my hair. Yes, I will do that. And that advice has dum.

Rat Dear-Yeah, We can all see them hair in this image. As regards Pounds-sure, I will transfer to them when they transfer themselves to quintals. You want to be rich, you will be rich.

Quirky Indian said...

"Boys you can ignore the post, or at best you can ignore the last paragraph while commenting and focus only on the pounds."

Yes Ma'am. Here is my comment on the pounds:

Ah, the email scams that keep coming. This is apparently one of the oldest. Seems it is a thriving 'industry' in Nigeria, and unlike you, a lot of people get tempted.

Quirky Indian
Roll No. 007

Oreen said...

mampi, you can get tonsured...dunno how you look like, but we all admire Sinead O'Connor for her shaved head...

or go for a crew cut like me...that prevents hairfall

Pradip Biswas said...

I blocked those e-mails and now they do not come. The idea behind them if they send 1000 e-mails one or two shall respond and that is enough robbing for them.
At the begining of a thyroid problem my wife had similar problems of hairloss and it stopped after the treatment. My doctor friend says that hormone disorder and some kind of dermaitis and heredity pattern are the main culprits of hairloss.

masood said...

A cousin replied to those emails. After all the initial banter, they asked him to transfer Rs 15k as service fee and taxes. Once the 15k is xfered, they will then wire the Rs. 1 Million to him. I am still waiting to hear if he became a millionaire or not!

About the hair, guess what? I shaved my head last night to negate the hairfall. Guess you dont have that option! :p

First time here. Great blog.

laddu said...

yaar even m losing hairs like dis only.. :(:(
n 2 make d situation worse, m not even married....have already spend lots, nothing worked....
if u get 2 know some magic formula, plzz tell me....

Balvinder Singh said...

Mampi you are going bald?
It is only the men who have the prerogative to do so. You are encroaching upon our territory. Yes Mampi, there may be some harmonal problem. That happens with many after certain age. Please see a specialist.

Sorry, you told the boys to concentrate on the first part of the post but i did on the latter one. Forbidden fruit is sweeter. Boys will be boys after all.

Mama - Mia said...

i am taking tips from here! :D

AWESOME post woman!!

cheers!

abha

phoenixritu said...

LOL, this is really funny. I read somewhere that hair loves it if you shampoo it with mineral water. I thought Hudd hai! I cant do that. What a waste

Balvinder Singh said...

And both your posts -- this one and the linked one -- made an excellent read.

Gazal said...

If hairfall is linked to the rainy season..why is it that there is no rain and still we expereince hairfall...not this is one fall thats not fair !!!!

and i think you have gathered enuf advice to put in another post.

pls do that.till then happy conting coz normal hairfall is supposed to be 80-100 hair per day.

Sujata said...

Mampi- price of ticket...its priceless!
:-)

Mampi said...

QI-Yeah, I feel tempted too, to do a post occasionally on these pounds.

Oreen-Dont take me so seriously. Otherwise also a crew cut doesnt prevent hairfall, only you dont get to see the long hair falling.

Pradip-I will now start seriously to find a solution to the problem.

Masood-No,I do not have that brilliant option.
Welcome to my blog, please keep visiting.

Laddu-Get married soon. Then you would lose all your hair. Hehehe Just joking.
Guess you are very very young, so better do something to prevent hairfall. Do not take consolation that I will be bald one day. I would never be.

Balvinder-I am NOT going bald. And i m not that budhi, hehe.
Thanks for your concern.

Abha-Valuable suggestions, arent they?

Ritu- it indeed is hadd hai.

Gazal-You are so right.

Sujata-Ticket to?

Mithe said...

Lolz...My hair is falling like raindrops too...what to do? But I liek your hair...its so shiny and glossy.I wish mine was half shiny as that!
I loved the Cherrapunji Line of course!
:)

Manish Raj said...

Hi Mampi

Try these:

1) Almond Oil
2) Use herbal shampoos;
3) Sleep well
4) Avoid stress, may be try a gym.

Sucharita Sarkar said...

Hi Mampi, Since I am also gaining pounds and shedding hair, I can hardly give any advice. Except maybe that hairloss also counts as weightloss, right? Let us look at the brighter side of baldness.

dipali said...

All the best, Mampi. No gyaan:(

Anand said...

Hi...frm one email millionaire to another. Haha. I get such mails too. If I had collected all the money in my name in various countries..I wud be richer than a few countries combined tgether.

A fair warning. Nevr give away ur personal details on any such mails. If u do..u get into a big bad soup.

I liked ur post. :-)

Sujata said...

Mampi- Chit bhi mere and pat bhi bhi mere...Can't win either way!
:)

Parul said...

Mampi - my mom vouches for Parachute Therapie (and I hope the brand manager reads this and sends a cheque home, much like your unknown wannabe benefactor). Let me know how it goes.

Minerva said...

Sigh. Hairfall is something that the best of us go through. And nothing sensible seems to work. I mean my dad's been washing his hair with Lifebouy (a cheap soap) all his life and his hair is great still, even though he's over 55 years. And my brother, barely 20, is already facing hairfall.

Kuch nahee kar sakte. Qismat. :(

PS. Sorry about sounding so cheerful. lol

Manasa said...

Boil Curry leaves in oil and apply. Hair remains black, strong and thick :)

UL said...

did you get any good tips? coz i would like to hear it, i am in the same wagon as you...except that i dont mind loosing some unwanted hair...lol :)