Friday, May 01, 2009

Fling A Shoe At Me, Please

Fling a shoe at me please. I want to be popular. More importantly, I need shoes. Shoes of all variety-running shoes, heeled shoes, chappals (for I develop corn on my little finger sometimes), pump shoes, thin shoes, fat shoes, platform heeled shoes, pencil heeled shoes. Fling a shoe on me when I am looking my best for I understand that the media would surely like to report the shoe-incident and I do not want to be caught on the wrong foot with the wrong makeup and with a wrong shoe being thrown at me. I wish that I make it to the front page-looking as stunning as I always do in my photographs. (Just between you and me-I look far far more stunning in my pics than I really am-so if my photographs have managed to enamour you-pull yourself out of your crushes. They are hardly worth the pain in you-know-where.) All the national dailies and regional, vernacular dailies, weeklies, monthlies, yearlies, decadalies, centuralies would want the picture of a good looking me-ducking the shoe, or maybe very charmingly holding the shoe close to my bosom so that you end up envying the shoe and cursing yourself aloud why you didn’t fling yourself instead of the shoe at me. Just for your information-if you had flung youself on me, you would have tasted the heavy Punjabi slap that I am capable of delivering. The Shoe would not suffer anything like that slap, so do not envy it. And otherwise also, I have a tendency of paying people back sooner or later-usually in my own coin. So a shoe thrown at me would not mean that I would tell the press beatifically that I have forgiven the thrower of the shoe. I understand that the forgiving in shoe throwing is the in-thing. However, I would not want any legal action to be initiated against you (for this is a request to you to fling a shoe at me). I would, instead, very forcefully throw the shoe back at you and there is every chance that it will hit you, in the face or below the belt-depending on my mood and the energy quotient at the moment.

So please, throw a shoe at me.

But why would you throw a shoe at me? After all, I am no minister belonging to a party which has successfully conducted pogroms of minority communities; after all you are no frustrated youth peeved at false claims; you are no drunk father upset at your son’s unemployment and you are no victim of a religious wipeout. Also, you are no independent candidate from my opposition party. I even will manage to conduct shoe proof political rallies, press conferences and public meetings

I deserve this treatment because I am guilty of not reading your blogs for about 3 weeks, not leaving my comments there and of not putting up a blogpost. People must get hit with shoes for these major offences.

Here end my hopes of being hit with a shoe flung from audience while I use the mic to glory.

Understandably, I accept that I would never be famous.

43 comments:

roop said...

*a virtual nike beauty hurled ur way* pliss don't duck. :D

Imp's Mom said...

having a shoe thrown at u has become the latest gimmick...

hasty read, will come back and read again leisurely :)

Glad ur back! settled in comfy?

Gurinderjit Singh said...

good one :))
stinking socks....are more dangerous than shoes

Indian Homemaker said...

I was just going to sleep then I read the post title Iin Phoenix ritu's blog rol) and jumped - hey Mampi has updated... :)

I can't throw shoes at anybody , just got a few favorite ones. And I don't believe in giving them easy publicity...

Solilo said...

A Christian Louboutin coming right at you.

*warning pointed heels.* :)))))))

Sucharita Sarkar said...

Will only throw a soe at you if you enter the elections next time around. Until then, use your own. Good to have you back, though!!!

Monika said...

finally we see a post from u good i could hurl one at u for not writing for so long ;)

he he *runs away*

Devika said...

You too Mampi! :)

Good read, though

wishes,
devika

hitchwriter said...

I need shoes too.. I was away for 10 days and didnt post.. do i qualify !!!?????

however i did keep coming and commenting i m not so bad after all !

Phoenixritu said...

Ahh, our latest tradition in the making, the joota missile. I wrote something like that : check it out
http://www.phoenixritu.com/2009/04/11/shoes-citizen-weaponry/

Tandarin Nike said...

hahahahahah ... just superb.

ThoughtSafari said...

One sexy virtual Manolo Blahnik flung for such a hilarious hilarious post! :D

philip9876 said...

i've got a few smelly ones. chalega kya? *lol*

Leo said...

umm... welcome back mampiji! :D

and no shoes for u! :P i'll manage it! i didn't visit here for longer! :(

take care, am back now! and hope to see u at my place too! :)

EXSENO said...

Trust me you are not the only one that has neglected their blog. Many including me have not been updating as much as usual.
So I can't throw a shoe at you because I am guilty too.

Besides that maybe a good thing at least it shows we are busy with other things in our lives. Or for myself, sometimes I just become temporarily 'Brain Dead' and can't think of anything to blog about.

So no shoe for you today from me my friend.

Sidhusaaheb said...

I agree that the possibility of a shoe being flung at you is remote.

You've probably never been as unjust to any one as required for the purpose.

How do we know said...

ha ha ha.. koi nahi.. u have come back just as we were wondering what just happened!

The Rat... said...

ha!! then i need to be thrown shoe at, too.. i dumped the blogsville for a month.. :-P

i wud prefer a Kolahapuri, plz...

Manasa said...

Now, give yourself a same pinch.

I am also in your shoes ;)

Pradip Biswas said...

Few year's back Being "ghearowed" was a status symbol. Atleast your photograph and no. persons encircling you used to get published. Now this shoe throwing, Tomatoes, eggs are replaced. It is useful besides getting publicly noticed if thrown in pairs. Very soon shoe companies may adverise, that their shoes can beat Ballastic intercontinentals. You may throw shoe from your house to hit someone at US. But how about something like Ramayana Bow and arrow fights. Both shoes from both end meet each other and get bursted in the sky.

Oreen said...

very humorous... who is developing a crush on you, btw?

photo toe apni chipka deti idhar!

my space said...

ha ha!! bacho..ye aaya mera joota...cnt decide which one to throw? My latest possesion the yellow pumps or the red slippers or my black heels or humble kolahapuri...aap bhi phek hee do cos i too m guilty of the same crime..toh ji apna hisaab baraabar...aur ji phek hee rahe ho toh punjab ki khaalis jootiyan hee maarna...i havent gt a pair of that yet!!!

Indian Homemaker said...

LOL :) I read it that same day and left a comment... it's not here :(

And we have no idea about your foot size so shoes are totally out. On top of that we love your blog, and have the patience to wait for your posts, so we will eagerly wait, our bathroom slippers firmly in our feet ...
:)
Miss you mampi...but I know you are busy, take your time, be back whenever!

How do we know said...

where did my comment go? i'd said shukar hai vaapis te aaye!!

Ashwani Saini said...

..nice...

Pinku said...

wah wah!!!!

glad u are back....though i am late in commenting (is a shoe coming my way too?)

btw should have mentioned your shoe size that way atleast you will get the sizes you can use...what fun will an ill-fitting shoe be?

ThoughtSafari said...

Very funny post! Loved it.

Majaz said...

lol. Nice post, Mampi.

But you don't deserve a shoe to be thrown!

You deserve nice glass slippers that will take you back to a simpler time. All these stilettos look great but man do they hurt!

Gurinderjit Singh said...

Related...!!

ਨੇਤਾ ਗਿਆ ਟਾਲ
ਪੱਤਰਕਾਰ ਨੇ ਪੁੱਛਿਆ
ਛਿੱਤਰ ਸੁੱਟ ਸਵਾਲ
Neta gya taal
pattarkaar ne pushheya
Shittar sutt swaal!

- ਗੁਰਮੀਤ ਸੰਧੂ ਜੀ ਦੀ ਪੇਸ਼ਕਸ਼

haikuPunjabi.wordpress.com

Rajindarjit said...

Nice AND INTERESTING posting!
I liked the way you expressed
the feelings on the present day's 'shoe culture'.
Keep it up!
Dhindsa

Mama-mia said...

recession ke time mein jotte phekna bada mehenga padega!!

loved this post Mampi!!! loved the wry humour in every line! :D

cheers!

abha

Gazal said...

LOVED THE POST....
you deserve a Jimmy choo shoe for that !!!!

and while you buy that pair..buy one for me !!!!

Quirky Indian said...

"I deserve this treatment because I am guilty of not reading your blogs for about 3 weeks, not leaving my comments there and of not putting up a blogpost.It seems that I, too, have all the qualifications needed to be 'famous'!

:-)

Quirky Indian

Usha Pisharody said...

Lol Mampi :)

I think I qualify more than you to receive all those branded jootis being flung your way. And I am disqualified from throwing, because I should be the one shoed at, [lol, just coined the phrase :D!]:P!

Lovely lovely rofl post! And you catch the irony well too, on the roll :)

Salil said...

You need to hold a press release for that.
And I shall gladly sponsor the shoes :-)
Regards,
Salil

MAN IN PAINTING said...

happy you are back mampi..
wishes..

Manish Raj said...

Hi Mampi

How are you ? Looks like you are busy these days.

Unfortunately I am also caught in a project and I fail to get time for reading, writing blogs.

But things will get better from July onwards I believe.

Take care
Manish

Inexplicably said...

Wedge heeled silver Kolhapuri Chappal (only left foot) aimed just above your right shoulder. Zara Bachch ke !

PARRY said...

hey sign up to http://www.jutamaro.com ( I am not kidding )hehe.
and we can throw a shoe at you without being physically present within your radius. :)

roop said...

helloooo??? oyeeeeie!! vaapis aao !!

kgre said...

shoes shoes khelen.....
nice post.

Mampi said...

Thank you all for the comments and the shoes hurled my way. I am, after all, totally famous.

Life is back to normal. Thanks to my 36 pairs of shoes that Mahesh is so resentful to.

Will hopefully be writing more often.

Da Eternal Rebel said...

Thanks for letting me find your blog ... Thats all from me for now :)