I put a brake to the car. Rasan wants to rush to the school gate saying a hurried bye. I wipe the extra baby cream off her face and kiss her nose. She kisses her brother a warm bye (thankfully he has no school that day; he doesn’t have any 'paper discussion') and runs off to meet her friends before the school prayer. I reverse the car, slowly wiggle my way out of the maddening rush and come back home.
She has a paper discussion at school. Till now, there only used to be a Parent Teacher Meet in which we examined their examined papers, calculated results, signed the report card, said good things to the teacher, and came back home. It was, and still is a gala day for the kids who dress up in their finest “home dresses” - a welcome change from the school uniform they get to wear everyday. However, in addition to that, now Rasan has a paper discussion day too (in school uniform of course) two days prior to the PTM and they are told their marks and other stuff about the question paper, for example how to attempt and more importantly, how not to attempt the paper. So, more or less it is a regular school day sans the school bag.
She comes back from school at 1:30 – all red with the sun and heat outside and excitement inside. As usual, she is hyper about telling about her day, “Yeieiei....Mama, I am first in English…”
“Wow, that’s great. How many marks?”
“Too bad, I don’t know how many, but I topped.” Yes, she forgets to ask her marks from the teacher, but she knows she topped. My Funny baby - I can expect this of her.
And I laugh…
As I help remove her tie and belt to ease her under the fan, I am all ears.
“Well Mama, I am not first in all the subjects though.”
“That’s ok beta. Doesn’t matter. I would have liked if you had gotten highest in all subjects. But no problems. So how was your day?”
I must admit I was a bit disappointed but I knew that she had problems with her Punjabi and Hindi papers, and that’s where she might have been hit the most. So I prefer to keep the discussion off those things.
She freshens up and takes up her tennis racket to play with. We stand outside in the lobby. She says as she hits the ball, “Mama, you know what? In the school today, we were all talking about how everybody’s parents are going to react to their marks.”
Here is what I get to understand.
AP : My father would hit me if he found that I had bungled in marks. AP is a girl.
She has a paper discussion at school. Till now, there only used to be a Parent Teacher Meet in which we examined their examined papers, calculated results, signed the report card, said good things to the teacher, and came back home. It was, and still is a gala day for the kids who dress up in their finest “home dresses” - a welcome change from the school uniform they get to wear everyday. However, in addition to that, now Rasan has a paper discussion day too (in school uniform of course) two days prior to the PTM and they are told their marks and other stuff about the question paper, for example how to attempt and more importantly, how not to attempt the paper. So, more or less it is a regular school day sans the school bag.
She comes back from school at 1:30 – all red with the sun and heat outside and excitement inside. As usual, she is hyper about telling about her day, “Yeieiei....Mama, I am first in English…”
“Wow, that’s great. How many marks?”
“Too bad, I don’t know how many, but I topped.” Yes, she forgets to ask her marks from the teacher, but she knows she topped. My Funny baby - I can expect this of her.
And I laugh…
As I help remove her tie and belt to ease her under the fan, I am all ears.
“Well Mama, I am not first in all the subjects though.”
“That’s ok beta. Doesn’t matter. I would have liked if you had gotten highest in all subjects. But no problems. So how was your day?”
I must admit I was a bit disappointed but I knew that she had problems with her Punjabi and Hindi papers, and that’s where she might have been hit the most. So I prefer to keep the discussion off those things.
She freshens up and takes up her tennis racket to play with. We stand outside in the lobby. She says as she hits the ball, “Mama, you know what? In the school today, we were all talking about how everybody’s parents are going to react to their marks.”
Here is what I get to understand.
AP : My father would hit me if he found that I had bungled in marks. AP is a girl.
AD: My father won’t allow me to enter the house if he found out I didn’t score well. AD is a boy.
ABJ: MY father would tell me to sleep out on the road if he found that I had gotten less marks than what he expected. ABJ is a boy who shares her birthday too.
And then one of them asked, “Okay R how would your parents react?”
R: Well, Papa would not ask about my position. If at all I tell him that I am second or third or fifth or tenth in the class, he would say, “Wow, that’s nice.”
ABJ: and your mom? Because all her friends know I am a Chota Mota Hitler in my own right.
R: Well, when she finds out that I didn’t score that well, she would say, “That’s bad but its okay. What is gone is gone. Now start working harder on the next unit/term.”
While reporting this, she is grinning from ear to ear.
AP+AD+ABJ say – Yar teriaa’n ta mauja hi mauja.
Then R+AP+AD+ABJ+together sing – MAUJAA’N EE MAUJAA’N……
AP+AD+ABJ say – Yar teriaa’n ta mauja hi mauja.
Then R+AP+AD+ABJ+together sing – MAUJAA’N EE MAUJAA’N……
22 comments:
"R" 's Maujaa'n Ee maujaa'n,
sure !
why?
because her parents are still studying, and they know that how hard it is, to maintain the Top Position?
Its matter of pride for her Mama and Nana ji has the record of GNDU-Amritsar & Panjab University Toppers respectively.
She will also up-keep the family traditions.
So feel relaxed and boost her morale, for what she has achieved.
There is much more for her to achieve in the times to come.
Parents in education know the plight of a kid of 'R' 's age.
Only they can say - Thats OK.
My 'Shabaash' to Rasan!
Dhindsa
The parents reacting as if the sky has fallen, when the child does not score the highest marks in class, can do a lot of harm to the child's self-confidence. I can tell from personal experience.
I am so glad that you have adopted such an excellent parenting policy!
:)
It was 1967. My parents, especially my mum (our whole family was full of PhDs , engineers, Doctors--almost to a point of utter distraction and dismay for me) announced that I would be the first person in our illustrious family to be a rickshaw puller. My grades were terrrible, I had been sent home twice by the Jesuit Priest where I went to school for playing hooky and prowling around Loreto convent, which was inconveniently 1000 yards away. My father said, whatever you do with your extra curricular activities, do it with discretion and when your done, come back and study..I actually graduated with distinction eventually in the First Division, with letters in all the science subjects. I now find that I did not push my kids at all...and my son does not want to graduate. My daughter of course has a 4.0 GPA at Oxford. At some point, you think you have done what you can and must live your own life..you do not posses your kids. Its a heart wrenching thing....but you must live to leave a mark..for others. Good blogging!
Mama: The best thing was that she realises that she didnt work hard enough. But what is gone is gone.
SS: I just felt that was the best way to let her be at peace with the result and to keep her smiling.
Rana: I cannot tell you how happy I am to have you here. And to learn about your experience is a great bonus. Please keep visiting.
P.S.
Rana: If this is what a person becomes when he is predicted to become a Rickshaw Puller; I had better start with the predicting game rather early about my kids. :)
Rasan vakai maujaa'n maujaa'n.
Because your paarents can understand what you are going through. They know how hard it is to make it to the top, ;)
We all know one day rasan you will be on top in every subject. ;D
All my wishes are with you !!
Sukhwinder Aujla
only if more parents could do less of pushing and more of understanding their children, discovering their interests, passions, strengths, weaknesses and encourage them accordingly, world would be a better place.
Rasan's a lucky girl to have parents like you two. And she better always top angreji if she doesnt want the chhta mota hitlers wrath crackin on 'er. :p juss kidding. ah i so miss school ... she has boys for friends? jeez, wut's happening to GNPS's moral police? I am disappointed. hehe jk
cheers mate!! rabb bhala kare. i'll soon be in touch. dimaag not theek rite now . :/
great! I had some friends whose parents wanted them to come class first in every exam. Thankfully mine were liberal and encouraged me in the right sense. Which I see is what u r doing to ur daughter, u r cool parents, as i call my parents :)
Yes Manpreet, she is a lucky girl indeed! My parents were the same with me throughout and I didn't turn out too bad I guess... :-)
And I've been a lil busy these days, parents are here for a short visit with us, so...
Sukhwinder Didi,
THanks for coming over.
Roop: It takes a lot of strength to develop this attitude. And I am basically an impatient person. Mahesh says that kids are the best test for our patience and strength.
Maverick: I, too, used to have a lot of pressure on me -but never exerted by my parents. It was just the pressure to excel that I took upon myself. I topped the university thrice and definitely want my kids to repeat the performance. But again, it is upto them to choose.
Devaki: Thanks for taking time out. I was missing you - but when I saw that you had not updated your page too, I did think that there must be something important. Say my hi to your parents.
hey!
love ur blog....and am so glad to know about chilled out parents like you in today's age and time.
Ur kids are damn lucky.
The tact and humour u apply to your writing is worth it. As for this reading its really sad that the children are taught to compete with each other. Competition only breeds jealousy, envy and pride in one. No doubt many of us believe that human progress would not have been possible if we were not competing with each other.Infact today's parents who are themselves confused pay little heed and want their wards to excel in this world of cut throat competition. But as yourself I would defintely make it a point not to put pressure on my child once I have one, ofcourse after I get married.
Oh yes one more thing. The music on your blog automatically starts when its opened. I tried to stop it but it continued to be loaded, although music was not played.As it adds up in the downloaded data. Many net or mob users who r trying to access ur blog may feel the pinch of it. I think theres ought to b a way to stop the loading of the file but dont know how.
Pinku: Thanks for coming over. And more thanks for writing comments here. I hope that our kids remember us as good parents than as autocrats bent upon fulfilling our own unfulfilled desires through them.
Parry: Thanks for your comment. You sure will prove a good parent as long as you remember and understand the impact of what you are doing.
As for the music part, I guess the only way to stop it, is to press the pause button. I mean that is how I do it. :)
Parry: Sorry about the download limit exceeding thingy. I thought the era of limits in internet was passe. Just Kidding. I will try to find a solution to it asap and will get back to you.
Meantime, thanks for braving it again and coming to read and drop a comment again. :)
I think you and your hubby should get pats on your back for rasing your children like that. If they are so confident of how their parents are going to react, its jut awesome. She knows you won't like it but you won't get angry either! Thats wonderful!
Lovely post! Rasan is a lucky child to have such a supportive mother! This is amongst the things I feel strongly about. I agree with Parry. Children should compete with themselves, not with others. Each time, learn more, perform better, so they are always focussed on learning and self improvement, not on beating someone else.
Tried doing this with my kids, it's very difficult when the school is talking about who got half point more than who...
~nm- Yes, basically my husband IS the guiding force behind such attitude, otherwise I might have succumbed to the attitude governed by modern day rat-race pressures on children.
IHM - It does take a lot to tell yourself about your own priorities regarding the children and their so-called-scores. She has also lost some positions due to silly mistakes, half marks and stuff like that. Her class teacher told me that she is among the top 7, I guess that is enough for me. What they make of life and learning is what ultimately will count.
parents still react like this to marks and exams!god!! i thot we had moved on....
ur kids sure are lucky to hv u as a parent..
lolz god rasan is so xpressive i still remeber how well she can communicate her day but how badly she xpresseis her disappointments well i seriously m shocked at kids n der remarks i mean when v were der age r parents were like our best friends n still r my dad i can tell him nything under the sun n expect him to understand its the parents pressure these days and not peer pressure for these young kids i mean scaring your kids into studying is totally unxceptle i mean xpecting a certain value of education n performance is good n is required in todays competetive world but if they cant achieve you level work with them not scare them n them blame them we need to support them not threatn them wid conciquences ehojay parents nu tan na "TZP" de re runs dekhane chaide ne chair naal bann ke till dey understand!!!!!!!!!! buh appne putt di tan maujhan he maujan :D
Mandira - yes the rat race continueth.... times change, situations change, locations change, attitudes remain stuck in those percentages and positions.
Gunnu - People need to realise that in the coming times, it is knowledge versus marks. High time it was applied. BTW u came to this post a lot late, i actually HAD embedded some music here, from TZP. But when I did the new post, i removed the music.
Lol.. you reminded me of my childhood. My father was very much like your husband who would say, 'That's nice', for almost any position I managed to secure, unless I did something really good. (I remember him carrying me in my arms after my ICSE results ) My mother was a little more particular though- however, she was futuristic like you and always reminded me of the possibility of doing better next time if I didn't fare well for some reason. But never, never have I been physically assaulted for my neglect of studies. I was a naughty child sometimes and got my due owing to that.
You got me nostalgic and I realize how difficult it might have been for my mother to bring up my elder brother and me almost single-handedly most of the times, since my father would be often away owing to his job commitments as an administrator. My mom always said - physically abusing a child for course work would instill a sense of fear for studies - which she didn't want. Maybe she was right.
And may I congratulate you for being an understanding mother. Kids need genuine consideration more than we would like to admit.
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