Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Jam Baby

She would be called a Jam Baby or perhaps Baby Jam. Or perhaps Zardari Jam. No, they wouldn’t want to associate her with Z . Lets call her Jam Baby.
Lucky, isn’t she? That she is born. Even if it is in a Jam. Isn't it better to become a Jam Baby instead of having been preserved in a Jam Jar? Zardari should not be upset about her for She and her mother are stronger than those babies and mothers who are forced to suffer the glorious practice of saving female fetuses from the trouble of being born. We women should honor and applaud them both. Even Zardari should be honoured for providing the baby an opportunity to show her strength.
Talking about a different sample of woman power, I have always been somewhat doubtful about the abilities and the merits of our own President, Madam Pratibha (Who??) Devisingh Patil. When I compare her to APJ Abdul Kalam, I often wonder what merit did she have to succeed a man of Kalam’s temperament. Just the accident of birth! Not that I am against her becoming the President. She has raised my own ambitions to the sky. Everytime I see her on television and everytime I see her talking about the imaginary babas that visit her in her dreams, I console myself, “Mampi, tera number bhi ayega.” I would also, inshallah, be the President of India one day. If SHE can, anyone can. And I am not that bad, am I?
Now, I was on a prominent Delhi road, waiting for my bus one day when the President Pratibha (Who??) was to pass by. The security personnel on duty (poor chaps) were requesting the people rather forcefully to go behind a barricade. Everyone moved behind the bus stop screen. Why they did, I failed to understand and I didn’t go behind the screen. I had to work hard to stop myself from laughing. I, however, moved back a little. The Delhi Police Jawan was not happy with the way people hid behind the screen. I wasn’t either, but I didn’t matter and the policeman did, obviously. He asked the people to move further back.
"Where?" The people wanted to know.
"There." He gestured. So the people moved behind the road on a link road.
"Further back," he demanded. I refused to budge. "Why should I go hide when my President moves on the road?"
"Orders from above, Madam." He was trying to be humble.
"But she is our president." I was adamant.
"Whatever. You got to go behind that barricade." He meant business.
"But you are also a danger to her, what with your gun and all. And, for all that you know, I can throw a bomb at her from that afar also, hee hee hee." I teased him. He was stunned.
"Chaliye chaliye, madam."
And I dragged my feet. Though I wanted to spring on the road militant style and tell Madam Pratibha Who?? that she had no business disturbing our life like that. But then, she is not at fault. After all, she does not know that she is causing this kind of inconvenience to people. Hell, she does not know many things. Poor lady didn't even know that she was to become the president of this country when she did.
I know, you Dilli walas/walis would say, "Mampi madam you suffered it one day and we are suffering it everyday." I would say, "Well that is part of the fun of choosing to live in the capital city."
Thank God I was not pregnant and due when Pratibha Who?? passed by.
Otherwise I would have been nursing a Jam Baby too.


jasdeep said...

who let the president out , who ? who ?
who let the ...

Tandarin Nike said...

Mampi, thats a humorous one. Madam 'Who' becoming the president was a joke in itself. But then, in India anything is possible. This was one nice post after a long time.

Hapi said...

I was done my workout and on my way to showers when I just sat on massage chair and thought about checkin fb. VoilĂ  .. Ur posting. Gotta read it. Funny. N cool. Refreshing. Liked it. U got an awesome story telling style.

dipali said...

Hmmmm! Much thought provoked on VIP security endangering the lives of the common people.

Pinku said...

The Jam baby survived...she was lucky.

Babies have been known to be delivered on the footpath infront of a hospital because the mom was too poor to have been allowed into the posh hospital.

The fact that roads have to be cleared and life brought to a stand still for common people like you and me is something we have to live with given the amount of terror threats our leaders live under.
Whether they merit being our leaders in the first place is another matter of course. But having allowed pratibha who to become the President we cant let her be attacked or killed. can we?

Ash said...

what an expression - 'Madam Who' ? ...says it all....

Anonymous said...

lolz Ma'am! You turn the most serious situations funny!Loved reading it:)

Liju Philip said...

people have died as traffic was held up for the leaders.

hope the jam baby will grow up to kick Zardari's butt.

Oreen said...

yeah, WHO is she, really!

Mampi said...

Jasdeep-Lo bhala, Koi toe bataye.

Tandarin-Yes, joke it was. We Indians enjoy such jokes every other day and are not bothered anymore.

Hapi-Glad u liked it.

Dipali-Yup, just my experience.

Pinku-Absolutely. We can let Pratibha Who to lead us and we can let such leaders make a mockery of the constitution.

Ash- :)

Mithe-thanks darling.

Liju-Yes, you are right. Lets find her out and train her into kicking butts.

Oreen-She is exactly that, "Pratibha Who??" You wont ask that question when I become the President, would you?

Phoenixritu said...

ROFL at Madam Who! Welcome back to Blogistan

Anonymous said...

Good to see you back Mampi :)

And did you really tell the policewala that he to was a risk to the Madam Who's safety? :)

These guys should have some backlanes reserved for their use at fixed times, so we can plan our routes without stressing about when they decide to go buy their veggies.

UL said...


Rajindarjit said...

This is how the security cops have to do all the day long on duty, as often our VIP;s life is supposed to be in danger. Sure they are 'by the people' but not 'for the people' as per our Preamble says. Anyhow dreaming high is everybody's basic right.
You can scale as high as you can think. Go ahead, future is yours. You may not have a Jam baby now, but be sure you can reach the top of the world.
Very healthy and humorous post it is!
Keep it up!
God Bless you.

Sudhir Khandelwal said...

It had to be a Ludhianavi to muse on a road block like this, which is such a familiar routine here that we Dilliwallahs have stopped reacting to them.

Sidhusaaheb said...

More than half the time, VIPs go to places where they can very well be done without.

It is also interesting to note that world-leaders whose lives are at much greater risk do not bother the common public quite as much as ours, when they travel by road.

More police personnel are deployed to protect the 'public-servants' than the public here.

Meanwhile, Pratibha auntie has invited nearly 2 dozens of her family members to live with her in Rashtrapati Bhawan, I've heard, to enjoy the bounty provided to them by India's tax-payers.

Interesting parallel between India and Pakistan, BTW.

Mampi said...

Ritu-Thank you my dear. Missed the action here.

IHM-Thank you. Yes I really did tell him that. If I had had more time, I would have lectured him then and there but neither he or I was in a mood to lecture.

UL-Thank you.

Mama-And we bring them to power.

Sudhir-Gaon ke innocent loag hai na ji hum, isi liye.

SS-Wow, let me find my extended family right now so I can invite them to live with me in the Rashtrapati bhavan when my time comes.

Majaz said...

What a complete waste of human space.

Zardari is a disgrace.

I can't say more.

Sidhusaaheb said...

Here's a music video by a band called Laal. The lyrics are based on a poem called Umeed-e-Sehar, in Urdu, by Faiz Ahmad 'Faiz'. An English translation of the poem has been provided in the form of sub-titles.

The narrative of the video is related to the events described in this blog-post, in India as well as Pakistan.



Sidhusaaheb said...

The text of the poem is as follows:

Jigar dareeda hooN, chaak-e-jigar ki baat suno
Alam raseeda hooN, daaman-e-tar ki baat suno
ZabaaN bureeda hooN, zakhm-e-gulu se harf karo
Shikastaa-paa hooN, malaal-e-safar ki baat suno
Musaafir-e-rah-sehra-e-zulmat-e-shab se
Ab iltafaat-e-nigaar-e-sehar ki baat suno
Sehar ki baat, umeed-e-sehar ki baat suno

- Faiz Ahmad 'Faiz'

zirelda said...

Life there is much different.

Course our president would never come to little ole Canon City. Ha.

Manasa said...

hehehhe... hilarious one ji :)

Send this link to Prathiba also... we shall get a new president then ;)

Manish Raj said...

What will President Mampi do in such case :)

Sucharita Sarkar said...

All our bigshot politicians are traffic-stoppers.

Amrita said...


Da Eternal Rebel said...

All this after a directive from some High Court that if the VIPs want to move out, they can either use the same road or use helicopter on their personal expense. But they cannot block the paths of the public.