Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Fitting Into a Swim Suit

No, it is not a hard thing to do. I thought it was. M had been pestering me to learn swimming for physical fitness and as a survival skill. I had been trying to cajole him into letting me postpone it to next summer. He himself is a reasonably good swimmer and has an extremely fit body. That is to conclude that I was and still am the only bad apple in the family of shiny and fit apples.

So, one fine morning, he called up, gave me an ultimatum, ordered me to bunk work and go to the Speedo showroom to buy a swimming costume. Swimming costume and me? M, you cannot be serious after my successful attempts to skirt the issue. Swimming costume – to me, was a sexy, revealing outfit that you wear to swim and sometimes to flaunt a good body. I neither knew swimming nor did I have a good body to show off. Before buying a swim suit, I thought it was a good idea to buy a bathrobe to wear over it. Though I didn’t bunk work I did go to Planet Sports that day and asked them to show me the biggest swim suit they had in the form of something that would cover me from head to toe. The salesman saw me, smiled patronizingly and said, “Ma’am, the maximum covering types in swimsuits available with us are the ones that cover half your legs and half your arms.” Pooh, life is full of compromises. I thought, “Okay let it be.” I argued that I had seen those full bodyskins that make you look like a seal. “There was no way we would be getting it here in our store,” said the salesman.

“Yeah, all of them have gone to China for Olympics, right?” I still thought he had that full body suit and was hiding it somewhere in the store.

He led me to the section where these wonderful swim suits hung. My inner voices started to yell all at once, “Wow, wish I could wear this, wish I could wear that. Umm, no this won’t fit. Umm no, this is too small. Hai, this is nice.” and I picked up a plain black zip-up kneeskin (mine is closest to this one. Wonder why Speedo has not put my kneeskin on their website) , and the biggest size in this style and also one smaller than the biggest- just for the sake of my ego satisfaction. I moved towards the trial room. On the way, I called up M and gave him a detail on the selected swim suit. Was it hot that day, and was I sweating that day! It was a struggle to wear cotton clothes, and to try on a swim suit was an ordeal. I wanted to curse M loudly for having made me go through that tiresome and lousy job in the middle of the afternoon when I should be sitting home reading blogs. The godforsaken AC of that store was working, but the trial room was, well trial room and they wanted to try the patience of everyone, so the AC settings in that part of the world seemed to be set to a minimal. I will save you the details of the struggle; I fit into both of them. I mean I fit into both, tried one after the other. Just clarifying lest you should think I had to put both of them to fit in.

Now, that was a small ego-boost. Elated, I called up M.

Conversation from inside of the stuffy trial room into the phone:

“Wow, I fit into both.”

“Try one size smaller than the smallest that fit you. I m sure you would fit into that too.”

In Punjabi I said, ““ਠੀਕ ਠੀਕ ਲਾ ਲੌ” it roughly translates as “Now come on, let’s stay within limits.”

“Okay, leave it. I will go with you to the showroom and then you try it.” Oww he is such a darling.

I smsed him the details, style number etc and he promised he would also have a look at a Speedo showroom closeby.

Next day we returned together to the same PS showroom and he suggested me to take two sizes smaller inside the trial room and try them on . I was aghast, “No way. I am not doing it. I m not even going to try swimming. I look like a black whale. Moreover it’s no fun spending so much on a swim suit for a person like me who has not even stepped into a pool.”

“Go on; let me see how it fits.”

Now it was a relatively cooler day. Partly because now my self esteem was two sizes larger, given that at least two decent swim suits had fit me. Encouraged, I tried this smaller one, wow it fit me. I chuckled audibly to myself. M was standing outside; he wondered aloud what was so funny. I opened the door slightly, let him in and told him to see for himself. He saw it from this angle and that. Not that it was very hard to do, because there were hardly any angles to look at , for everything was conveniently rounded off. But he was happy that it fit me. I secretly suspected that he was happy that I found myself not impossibly fat anymore. I was even happier than him, though what I was seeing in the mirror was nothing even remotely close to a flattering image. We finalized the swim suit and off we went. I am glad M didn’t allow me to buy those bazaar chaap swim suits that come in bold prints with long slacks that cover your legs, almost looking like kameez-pajami–sans-dupatta inside the water.

On the way back, M declared, “Half the battle is won. You will learn swimming in no time."
What a faith!!! An incurably contagious faith that he wears on sleeves the way people wear their hearts!!! I started to sneeze immediately upon being badly infected with it in the car. As a result, now am trying all sorts of antics in the swimming pool that is only 3 and a half feet deep. I need to tell you all about so many other pool happenings. That is for the next time. Reason? - A badly frighten(ing)ed reader, my friend Hardly Phatichar says, “aap toh kishton mein likhti hain”. (You write in instalments.)


phatichar said...

You certainly have your way of keeping the rate of 'interest' high for your EMIs.. :-)

howlarious post as usual..

Sidhusaaheb said...

My parents tried to make me take up swimming classes while I was younger, but I was scared of the vaccinations that one has to take before one can do that.


BTW, were you looking for a swimsuit like ?


Devaki said...

Ha! Enjoyed this one very much M - eagerly waiting for the next installment...


that was really funny!
eagerly waiting for the next part..

Mama - Mia said...


am sure you are one of those owmen who keep whining about their weight but are great looking with cool bodies!! :p

i hope someday me learn swimming too! but i want to lose LOTSA weight BEFORE swimming so that i can wear a baywatch type red one!! ;)

and obviously waiiting for part two!! :D



Mampi said...

Sri-Welcome as the first reader of this post, he he he.

SS-The blue swimsuit is not what I was looking, the Speedo link I have given is the one I was looking. What I got is the kneeskin with a zip up and half sleeves. Passable.

Devaki-Thanks for visiting. Actually the instalment is not an actual instalment. I am itching to share too.

MIP-Thank you.

Abhs-Well, I AM overweight and do not have a flattering figure at all. I had also thought that I would lose weight to wear a swimsuit. THen I thought it will be forever. So I tried to get a kneeskin that covers most of me. Baywatch ki aisi taisi.

Pinku said...


this was cool...and not just coz of the pool.

That swim suit though it covers the knees loooks awesome from the sure many reps of the lake side episode will happen.

waiting to know about the first outing in the swimsuit...please update soon.

Gazal said...



it's a matter of time before you'll be doing lengths in the pool.

yes...the process of buying a swimsuit is a reality check...

lycra zindabad

maheshinder_singh said...

It is amusing to read this post. However I wish you to convey all the readers that swimming is not just fun, it is a necessity. Let we not have another Ishmeet( drowning) case. I desire that may everyone could try and make their kids learn swim.

Pinku said...

hey Mahesh is so right...guess it a life skill and we better stop thinking about the suit and think more about the skill.

Anonymous said...

So you got the costumes to start swimming.
Fitting in the S-suit is an interesting posting.
Your readers will have to wait for the 2nd instalment.

You know 2 instalments of NIMAKH, if I am not wrong, are still due.

Complete the home work of both the episodes, to continue the chain of work, for your sincere readers.

Happy swimming time to you!

God Bless you!


Roop Rai said...

roflmao!!! i love you.

Anonymous said...

are you planning to put up a picture of urs in that swimsuit on the blog? Am sure the blog hits will go thru the roof ;)

Mampi said...

Pinku-Told ya, it doesnt look anything like that from the back. It is a dull zip up to the top + it is half sleeves. No way I am turning heads, unless there is some morbid pleasure that someone derives in having a dekho, he he he.

Gazal-You swim too, right? I have a hunch you do. And I m sure you do more lengths than I think you can.

Mahesh-You are absolutely right. I have become more serious about learning it after the Ishmeet incident.

Mama-Thanks for the Nimakh Jolt. The memory of promising to do it did come back to me in flashes, but you usually end up as my conscience pricking me. You have to see me to believe I can swim now.

Roop-I felt tempted to tell you so many times, but then I thought u would enjoy it more as a post.

Philip-No, there are no such immediate plans. Thanks for the suggestion. The numbers, umm... well I will think about it. ;)But who will repair the roof once the numbers break it (because they will go thru it)

kiran grewal said...

Ha ha ha. Oh my god it was really very interesting post. I had a lot of fun reading your sense of r great. Today my couch said me to participate in university swimming competition. I said” kyon marvon lage o sir”, he said “maran ni dinde fikar na kr”. I am happy with my 8 lengths an hour. Now I have started loving water. I enjoy a lot in pool.

oceanic mirages said...

:-) smiling smiling and smiling.
thanx a ton for sharing this.
waiting for more.

pinknblu said...

hmm! (all i can say on condition you dont translate to my namesake!)Hun to saanu baksh deo!!!
Not to take offense, I am breaking my bathroom scales too!

Anonymous said...

Hi, got to know of your blog by your post and email on Himalayan Adventurer. I went through some of your post, and can safely say you have a flair for writing and have a very committed readership. I am sure I will return to your blog periodically to read your musings on everyday life.
Himalayan Adventurer

~nm said...

Good hai ji! Its always better that our hubby's have more confidence and trust in us than we do! It always helps *wink*

So when are your lessons starting?

And are we meeting next weekend?

dipali said...

Most inspiring, Mampi.
My first adult swim suit I actually made myself- I was very confident! And it was quite civilised and I wore it and swam in it (irregularly) for
more than twenty years. After my last surgery and subsequent further weight gain, couldn't fit into it and bought a Speedo- struggling in the trial room seems so familiar! Haven't been swimming this year because of having typhoid- must start again soon.

Mampi said...

Kiran-You probably meant 'Coach'. :)
Go ahead if he is so encouraging. And knowing him, he is really good.

OcMi-Thank you. I didnt know u were checking on me. :)

pinknblu-now thats a naughty boy. Bakshna keon?

Himalayan Adventurer-I am so so flattered to have you here. I really enjoy the journeys you make and their description you write.

~nm-It sure helps when the other half has more faith. It actually pulls you through. Lessons in swimming have already started.

Dipali-How did you make your swim suit? I am awed. Wish you recuperate and get back to the swimming, and teach me a thing or two as soon as you get into the pool.

Thought Room said...

You will realize it is not a big deal, once you see the others in the swimming pool. Perfect bodies are a myth, which gets touched up before publishing. and the amount of time your are visible are not for more than a minute, considering that you can wrap yourself in an outer cloth till the end of the pool, and once your are in, it will not matter, and the same when on your way back, just watch out for the weight you feel once you leave the water.

Loved the hilarious perspective though. Hope you have fun, and thanks for visiting.

Roop Rai said...

last night when i read Mahesh's comment that swimming is a survival skill. I kept thinking about it subconsciously and went to bed with it. In the middle of dozing off, I mumbled, "Is swimming a survival skill, Pati?"
"asdflkjfio fjskldfjsdfo" he mumbled back.
Disappointed with the response, I shook his shoulder and asked him the same question again. He woke up with a jerk. "What happened? U ok?" he said in an anxious tone. "Yes, I am ok but is swimming a survival skill?" I continued.

He looked at me as if I was crazy, "You woke me up to ask me that?"

"mm hmm" I said while lowering my eyes down to not meet his gaze. Although the light in the room is dim thanks to the moon shining out the bindow, but i knew he could see my face ... so i hid under the blanket.

"Come out, crazy girl, it's okay. Im awake now." he mused. Confident that he won't accuse me of disturbing me, I pulled the blanket down and hopped up to sit. "Is swimming a surviving skill?" I asked again!!

He looked at me dreamily (ah that look) and smiled, "Yes, it is. It is a survival skill."

That's all I needed!! :) His acknowledgment. Satisfied with the answer, I cuddled up and slept a peaceful sleep. :)

Manasa said...

Even I am shy in this regard :D Had plans of learning when I was in school, but now I have given up.

Waiting for your next post on learning :))

Mampi said...

Thought Room-Exactly. That is what I wish to drive home in my next post. It now doesnt matter to me at all. This trial took place about one month ago. It took me time to make peace with my body and suit and pool and only then did I make this piece. :)

Roop-Thank your stars that you have P as Pati. That is precisely why you are surviving and smiling. Some Survival skill you got, girl !!!

Manasa-Don't give up girl. You are more fortunate if you learnt it in school. I never could, now I want to do all that I couldn't do in school.

seema said...

the first step is always the hardest step. well done for that first step u have taken. now u will be all right. funny post .u made me laugh. this is another thing about looking at urself and feeling bad but not TOO BAD, still be able to laugh at ur self .one should be brave enough to do that. u are brave for sure. good one

Monika said...

all the best... swimming is a great workout...

Anonymous said...

hehehe..funny post..

it made me think of the last time i went and bought a swimsuit..dont even remember how long back that was...AGEEEES back.. the last time i tried to swim was also as long back! i still need to master that skill..

adi said...


u sure keep people glued on to ur posts

try substituting for the ekta kapoors of the tellywood :) atleast we'll have decent prime time TV

loved the post, a lot

Mampi said...

Seema-Thanks. I feel that when I laugh at myself, I relax. Though Mahesh doesnt like the idea of Me laughing at Myself.

MOnika-Thanks. I m trying hard to work and to go out, he he he.

Mandy-Start with the lessons now. And please regale us with your pool stories.

Adi-Thanks. If I replace her, who will do the rona-dhona thingy on the TV?